A woman goes to her doctor and says: "Doctor, I don't know what is causing it but every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The doctor says: "Well, what are you taking for it?" "Pepper"
*******************************************************************************
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are
traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in
Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out
of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car
and hisses at them through the windshield.
Quick, quick! shouts Sister Mary Agnes, What should we
do?
Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the
abomination, says Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the
mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing
at the nuns. What shall I do now? she shouts.
Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water
before we left the Vatican, replies Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The
vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on
and continues hissing at the nuns.
Now what? shouts Sister Mary Agnes.
Show him your cross, says Sister Mary Vincent.
Now you're talking, says Sister Mary Agnes. She then
opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!"
********************************************************************************
René Descartes walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a while he finishes and the barmaid comes over and asks if he would like another. Descartes responds: "I think not" and vanishes
*********************************************************************************
Jonny was a chemists son but now he is no more. What he though was H2O was H2SO4.
**********************************************************************************
Two old ladies are discussing a new restaurant the had just visited.
Lady 1: "Oh, the food there was awful!"
Lady 2: "And such small portions!"
***********************************************************************************
That'll Lern Ya!
If you got more, post away!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Darn You, DC! Darn You to HECK!!!!
Ok, as most of you know by now, a DC Comics MMO is coming out on November 2nd. For better or worse it is being run by Sony Online. For those of you you who are unfamiliar, Sony was the company that was given a license to print money (the Star Wars property)and ran it into the bloody ground. This may have something to do with them no longer having the property. Anyway, like it or not, it is their baby.
Now, you might be saying to yourself: "But, Logan (which, admittedly is a pretty strange thing to be saying to yourself) Isn't the creation of DC Universe Online a good thing?"
Well, the answer to that is a tentative "yes" and a definite "no".
First the tentative "Yes". While I am very excited about this game, I am also worried. The last superhero themed was "City of Heroes" and to be honest, I absolutely hated that game so I am really hoping that they don't take the path that that game did. I realized that it is most likely inevitable that there will be some similarities but I am hoping that they will be minimal. Another possible problem is, as previously mentioned, Sony. Now, there are many things I dislike about Sony but for the purposes of this discussion... ok, diatribe, it is simply their poor handling of other properties. Now to be fair, Sony also runs Everquest, a game that I have admittedly never played but has put a few friends into rehab to overcome their "EverCrack" adiction, so Sony must be doing something right.
Now another damper on my excitement it the probable direction that gameplay will most likely take. It should be noted that I am a regular player of "World of Warcraft" and am generally rather fond of its gameplay style. In fact, my only major complaint about that game is that once you get to a certain level, it is very difficult to go it alone. Now there are those, I know, who say that it is stupid to play an MMO and not take advantage of the social aspect. To those that would say this I would humbly suggest the piss off. It is my $15 a month and I will play any goddamn way I please. The reason that I generally play in groups is simple: I suck at it. My suckitude (it is totally a word) usually results in the other group members casting rather harsh questions regarding my sexuality and or the honor or lack thereof of my mother regardless of my having warned them ahead of time. Not the most fun thing ever. This worries me because I am not sure if there is going to be room for the solo players in the DC MMO. This worry, my biggest, feeds in to everything I am hopeful about with this game.
Now the definite no's. No matter how craptastic this game ends up being, I will at least play it for a little while. This will have a two pronged effect: it will cut into what little money I have and limit my already almost nonexistant social life. Why, would I even try this game? The answer to that is simple: I am a comic geek and it is the law. It is a federal one, not just a state thing.
Now, on a positive note, if this game succeeds, it is only a matter of time before Marvel jumps on the bandwagon. When it comes to comics, I am bi.
Between this and the upcoming Star Wars MMO, my little geek mind may implode.
Another good thing is that I have always wanted to join the Green Lantern Corps. Sadly it is looking like I will have to settle for doing it in a game. *heavy sigh*
Now, you might be saying to yourself: "But, Logan (which, admittedly is a pretty strange thing to be saying to yourself) Isn't the creation of DC Universe Online a good thing?"
Well, the answer to that is a tentative "yes" and a definite "no".
First the tentative "Yes". While I am very excited about this game, I am also worried. The last superhero themed was "City of Heroes" and to be honest, I absolutely hated that game so I am really hoping that they don't take the path that that game did. I realized that it is most likely inevitable that there will be some similarities but I am hoping that they will be minimal. Another possible problem is, as previously mentioned, Sony. Now, there are many things I dislike about Sony but for the purposes of this discussion... ok, diatribe, it is simply their poor handling of other properties. Now to be fair, Sony also runs Everquest, a game that I have admittedly never played but has put a few friends into rehab to overcome their "EverCrack" adiction, so Sony must be doing something right.
Now another damper on my excitement it the probable direction that gameplay will most likely take. It should be noted that I am a regular player of "World of Warcraft" and am generally rather fond of its gameplay style. In fact, my only major complaint about that game is that once you get to a certain level, it is very difficult to go it alone. Now there are those, I know, who say that it is stupid to play an MMO and not take advantage of the social aspect. To those that would say this I would humbly suggest the piss off. It is my $15 a month and I will play any goddamn way I please. The reason that I generally play in groups is simple: I suck at it. My suckitude (it is totally a word) usually results in the other group members casting rather harsh questions regarding my sexuality and or the honor or lack thereof of my mother regardless of my having warned them ahead of time. Not the most fun thing ever. This worries me because I am not sure if there is going to be room for the solo players in the DC MMO. This worry, my biggest, feeds in to everything I am hopeful about with this game.
Now the definite no's. No matter how craptastic this game ends up being, I will at least play it for a little while. This will have a two pronged effect: it will cut into what little money I have and limit my already almost nonexistant social life. Why, would I even try this game? The answer to that is simple: I am a comic geek and it is the law. It is a federal one, not just a state thing.
Now, on a positive note, if this game succeeds, it is only a matter of time before Marvel jumps on the bandwagon. When it comes to comics, I am bi.
Between this and the upcoming Star Wars MMO, my little geek mind may implode.
Another good thing is that I have always wanted to join the Green Lantern Corps. Sadly it is looking like I will have to settle for doing it in a game. *heavy sigh*
Friday, July 23, 2010
I May be Going to Hell but a Whole lot of Other Nerds are Coming with Me!
Just a little update to my previous post about Westboro Baptist Church. It seems that they did follow through on their previous threat to protest the SDCC. Well, 3 of them did anyway. That's right 3 righteous souls stood alone against the den of iniquity. Their only weapons in their crusade were 5 offensive signs. There they stood all alone in their righteousness, saving souls and taking names. Wait, did I say alone? My mistake. They actually had lots and lots of company. Company in the form of over 100 nerds mocking them with signs of their very own. With signs like "Superman Died For Your Signs" and "God Loves Gay Robin." I am sure WBC was really feeling the love. To all my nerd brothers and sisters: Bravo! My only disappointment with this outcome is that I was not there to see it.
Thanks again to Topless Robot!
You can find the original story here: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/07/sdcc_nerds_120_lunatic_assholes_3.php
If any one has pics of the counter-protest, send them in and I will attempt to post them
Thanks again to Topless Robot!
You can find the original story here: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/07/sdcc_nerds_120_lunatic_assholes_3.php
If any one has pics of the counter-protest, send them in and I will attempt to post them
Friday, July 16, 2010
Crap! Yet Another Reason I am Going to Hell
This one I came across on the site toplessrobot.com.
Well, apparently our old friends from Westboro Baptist Church are at it again. If you don't remember this is the congregation led by one Reverend Fred Phelps. These are the charming folks that brought us such heart-warming messages of hope such as: "God Hates Fags" and "Thank God for Dead Soldiers". The further increase the love by handing these placards of love to there children and protesting things like the funerals of our slain service men and women and days that end in "y".
Now, having alerting us to such deadly threats to this country's moral welfare as homosexuals (Gasp!) and soldiers with a pulse (Shutter!), you may be asking yourself: "What, Reverend Phelps, what insidious threat are you attempting to save our collective souls from?!?"
This threat is the most dangerous one to date. I am, of course, referring to the den of vile ickyness and the corrupter of many a poor lost soul that is: (dun dun dun DUN) San Diego Comic Convention!
Wait, what?
That's right, kiddies. If you choose to attend this year, you are going strait to HELL! Do not pass "Go". Do not collect $200. However you may stop at a few booths for some exclusive merch and a few signings. No panels for you though, you dirty dirty heathen you!
Why, you may ask, is the good reverend, in all his finite wisdom, protesting the SDCC? The short answer is: "you have been worshiping Spiderman". The long answer is best expressed in reverend Phelps' own words:
"Are you kidding?! If these people would spend even some of the energy that they spend on these comic books, reading the Bible, well no high hopes here. They have turned comic book characters into idols, and worship them they do! Isaiah 2:8 Their land also is full of idols; they worship the work of their own hands, that which their own fingers have made: 9 And the mean man boweth down, and the great man humbleth himself: therefore forgive them not. It is time to put away the silly vanities and turn to God like you mean it. The destruction of this nation is imminent - so start calling on Batman and Superman now, see if they can pull you from the mess that you have created with all your silly idolatry."
Well, that certainly makes sense... if you happen to have recently ingested massive amounts of LSD.
They protest should take place from 1:15 to 2pm on Thursday the 22nd. This time is presumably flexible should the horns of heaven sound signaling the final battle between the forces of good and evil.
So, good people, should you choose to violate the word of god and attend this convention of evil keep in mind that your ticket does, in fact qualify as the mark of the beast, you will, no doubt, find yourselves burning in the lake of fire come tea time. I, on the other hand, shall be safe guarding my immoral soul (freudian) by staying far away from this deadly pit of heathens...
Ok, fine! I couldn't afford a ticket this year.
Thanks again to Topless Robot!
It was suggested to me that I should add a link to the original article. Ladies and gentlemen, my very first "Duh" moment... in the last thirty seconds. The original article can be found here: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/07/reminder_if_youre_going_to_sdcc_youre_going_to_hel.php
Well, apparently our old friends from Westboro Baptist Church are at it again. If you don't remember this is the congregation led by one Reverend Fred Phelps. These are the charming folks that brought us such heart-warming messages of hope such as: "God Hates Fags" and "Thank God for Dead Soldiers". The further increase the love by handing these placards of love to there children and protesting things like the funerals of our slain service men and women and days that end in "y".
Now, having alerting us to such deadly threats to this country's moral welfare as homosexuals (Gasp!) and soldiers with a pulse (Shutter!), you may be asking yourself: "What, Reverend Phelps, what insidious threat are you attempting to save our collective souls from?!?"
This threat is the most dangerous one to date. I am, of course, referring to the den of vile ickyness and the corrupter of many a poor lost soul that is: (dun dun dun DUN) San Diego Comic Convention!
Wait, what?
That's right, kiddies. If you choose to attend this year, you are going strait to HELL! Do not pass "Go". Do not collect $200. However you may stop at a few booths for some exclusive merch and a few signings. No panels for you though, you dirty dirty heathen you!
Why, you may ask, is the good reverend, in all his finite wisdom, protesting the SDCC? The short answer is: "you have been worshiping Spiderman". The long answer is best expressed in reverend Phelps' own words:
"Are you kidding?! If these people would spend even some of the energy that they spend on these comic books, reading the Bible, well no high hopes here. They have turned comic book characters into idols, and worship them they do! Isaiah 2:8 Their land also is full of idols; they worship the work of their own hands, that which their own fingers have made: 9 And the mean man boweth down, and the great man humbleth himself: therefore forgive them not. It is time to put away the silly vanities and turn to God like you mean it. The destruction of this nation is imminent - so start calling on Batman and Superman now, see if they can pull you from the mess that you have created with all your silly idolatry."
Well, that certainly makes sense... if you happen to have recently ingested massive amounts of LSD.
They protest should take place from 1:15 to 2pm on Thursday the 22nd. This time is presumably flexible should the horns of heaven sound signaling the final battle between the forces of good and evil.
So, good people, should you choose to violate the word of god and attend this convention of evil keep in mind that your ticket does, in fact qualify as the mark of the beast, you will, no doubt, find yourselves burning in the lake of fire come tea time. I, on the other hand, shall be safe guarding my immoral soul (freudian) by staying far away from this deadly pit of heathens...
Ok, fine! I couldn't afford a ticket this year.
Thanks again to Topless Robot!
It was suggested to me that I should add a link to the original article. Ladies and gentlemen, my very first "Duh" moment... in the last thirty seconds. The original article can be found here: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/07/reminder_if_youre_going_to_sdcc_youre_going_to_hel.php
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Welcome!
Alright, welcome to "Just for Shits and Giggles". This is a blog for anything I find amusing or interesting in some way, shape or form. If you are looking for anything deep and meaningful, you are in the wrong place. If you have anything that you think might be amusing to others and myself, please feel free to email me. I hope you all enjoy!
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