Crap! Yet Another Reason I am Going to Hell

This one I came across on the site toplessrobot.com.

Well, apparently our old friends from Westboro Baptist Church are at it again. If you don't remember this is the congregation led by one Reverend Fred Phelps. These are the charming folks that brought us such heart-warming messages of hope such as: "God Hates Fags" and "Thank God for Dead Soldiers". The further increase the love by handing these placards of love to there children and protesting things like the funerals of our slain service men and women and days that end in "y".

Now, having alerting us to such deadly threats to this country's moral welfare as homosexuals (Gasp!) and soldiers with a pulse (Shutter!), you may be asking yourself: "What, Reverend Phelps, what insidious threat are you attempting to save our collective souls from?!?"

This threat is the most dangerous one to date. I am, of course, referring to the den of vile ickyness and the corrupter of many a poor lost soul that is: (dun dun dun DUN) San Diego Comic Convention!

Wait, what?

That's right, kiddies. If you choose to attend this year, you are going strait to HELL! Do not pass "Go". Do not collect $200. However you may stop at a few booths for some exclusive merch and a few signings. No panels for you though, you dirty dirty heathen you!

Why, you may ask, is the good reverend, in all his finite wisdom, protesting the SDCC? The short answer is: "you have been worshiping Spiderman". The long answer is best expressed in reverend Phelps' own words:

"Are you kidding?! If these people would spend even some of the energy that they spend on these comic books, reading the Bible, well no high hopes here. They have turned comic book characters into idols, and worship them they do! Isaiah 2:8 Their land also is full of idols; they worship the work of their own hands, that which their own fingers have made: 9 And the mean man boweth down, and the great man humbleth himself: therefore forgive them not. It is time to put away the silly vanities and turn to God like you mean it. The destruction of this nation is imminent - so start calling on Batman and Superman now, see if they can pull you from the mess that you have created with all your silly idolatry."

Well, that certainly makes sense... if you happen to have recently ingested massive amounts of LSD.

They protest should take place from 1:15 to 2pm on Thursday the 22nd. This time is presumably flexible should the horns of heaven sound signaling the final battle between the forces of good and evil.

So, good people, should you choose to violate the word of god and attend this convention of evil keep in mind that your ticket does, in fact qualify as the mark of the beast, you will, no doubt, find yourselves burning in the lake of fire come tea time. I, on the other hand, shall be safe guarding my immoral soul (freudian) by staying far away from this deadly pit of heathens...

Ok, fine! I couldn't afford a ticket this year.


Thanks again to Topless Robot!

It was suggested to me that I should add a link to the original article. Ladies and gentlemen, my very first "Duh" moment... in the last thirty seconds. The original article can be found here: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/07/reminder_if_youre_going_to_sdcc_youre_going_to_hel.php