King Leonidas: THIS IS SPAAART-
Lacky: whisperwhisperwhisper
King Leonidas: -wait, really?
Lacky: whisperwhisperwhisper
King Leonidas: Your absolutely sure about this?
Xerxes' Messenger: *raising a hand* Um, excuse me. Yeah, over here. Remember me? Can we jus-
King Leonidas: *holding up one finger* Just wait, I'll be with you in a second. *Turns back to Lacky* Well, that's just going to sound silly.
Lacky: whisperwhisperwhisper
King Leonidas: Fine, let's just get this over with. *turns back around* THIS IS CLEVELAND!... Um, did any of you see where that messenger guy went? No? Anyone?.... Crap!
*Spartans look around and wonder how the hell they got to Cleveland*
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
I Am...
Roman General: ...On the single condition that you identify the body or the living person of the slave called Spartacus!
Slave 1: I am Spartacus!
Slave 2: I am Spartacus!
Slave 3: I am Spartacus!
Slave 4: I am... Wait, wait wait! Cruciwhatnow?!? No, no, I am ... um... I'm Fred. Yeah that's right my name is Fred. Spartacus was...um... He was way over there somewhere. Yeah, way over there. You know, really really far away from me!
[Everyone is crucified anyway]
Slave 1: I am Spartacus!
Slave 2: I am Spartacus!
Slave 3: I am Spartacus!
Slave 4: I am... Wait, wait wait! Cruciwhatnow?!? No, no, I am ... um... I'm Fred. Yeah that's right my name is Fred. Spartacus was...um... He was way over there somewhere. Yeah, way over there. You know, really really far away from me!
[Everyone is crucified anyway]
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Help Wanted...
Would-be world conqueror seeks minions.
Candidates must exhibit intelligence, resourcefulness honesty and a fanatical devotion to me. All candidates must be willing to die and/or kill at my command without the slightest hesitation. Duties include typing, delivering demands, picking up my dry cleaning, dusting the secret lair including any superweapons therein, blackmail, picking up my mail at the post office, wiretapping, indoctrinating future minions, running the lair’s daycare program, kidnapping, doing my shopping, liquidating any obstacles to my rule, organizing my comic and toy collection, disposing of the bodies of those who displease me and lobbying.
Benefits include: room and board, license to kill at my command, vacation days, health care including eye and dental in the lair’s various laboratories, a sense of creative fulfillment and the promise of your own country to rule after I assume my rightful place as ruler or the world. Other benefits include the promise of your own planet to rule should my empire spread throughout the galaxy.
Other positions available include: sex slave, torturer, accountant, research, lab assistants and meat shield.
All applicants should submit resume for review. If resume is approved an interview will be scheduled, notification within 30 days.
Candidates must exhibit intelligence, resourcefulness honesty and a fanatical devotion to me. All candidates must be willing to die and/or kill at my command without the slightest hesitation. Duties include typing, delivering demands, picking up my dry cleaning, dusting the secret lair including any superweapons therein, blackmail, picking up my mail at the post office, wiretapping, indoctrinating future minions, running the lair’s daycare program, kidnapping, doing my shopping, liquidating any obstacles to my rule, organizing my comic and toy collection, disposing of the bodies of those who displease me and lobbying.
Benefits include: room and board, license to kill at my command, vacation days, health care including eye and dental in the lair’s various laboratories, a sense of creative fulfillment and the promise of your own country to rule after I assume my rightful place as ruler or the world. Other benefits include the promise of your own planet to rule should my empire spread throughout the galaxy.
Other positions available include: sex slave, torturer, accountant, research, lab assistants and meat shield.
All applicants should submit resume for review. If resume is approved an interview will be scheduled, notification within 30 days.
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